Chris & Daphelma's bogus journey 09/10

My new role at Sportingbet was situated an hours walk from my house at Fannie Bay race track just off Dick Ward Drive. Seriously.

For my first two shifts with Sportingbet myself and a Flight of the Conchords' Jemaine lookalike called Patrick would be getting trained up by Shane. We had to get to grips with the betting terms and the software interface. I'd placed a few bets already in Australia and found it to be a rather confusing process. In the UK you can write you're bet down on a slip and that's it sorted. This is not the case in Australia as you have to fill out a rather confusing slip and ensure you use the correct code for the race venue, race type and that you've ticked the correct race number. Only then can you consider which loser to back and how much you're going to waste on it.

The biggest difference with betting in the UK to Australia is that while back home 99.9% of bets will be taken at fixed odds where as in Australia you have the option of taking the bookmakers price (on track, online or by phone) or online/over the phone you can pick one of the 3 Australian totes but if you are in a bookmakers, which are usually found inside pubs, you will be placing you're bet on your home tote.

Queensland & Northern Territory use Unitab, New South Wales has it's own NSW tote & Victoria has Supertab. South Australia, Western Australia & Australian Capital Territory use one or two of these totes as well but I can't remember which and I'm finding it impossible to find out. Simple isn't it!

Once I'd got my head around their crazy Aussie ways it was time to begin taking phone calls. And so began the tens of thousands of times I'd say "Sportingbet Chris", much to the amusement of my colleagues & it would also be the beginning of the hundreds of "to be sure to be sure" & "top o the mornin to you" replies I'd receive. At least I was only mistaken for an Englishman once, and that punter learnt his lesson pronto!

Come the Saturday morning it was time for my first full shift. Sydney, Brisbane, Perth, Melbourne & Adelaide all have racing on a Saturday so from when the first city meeting race begins at around 10am through to the last city race (not including Perth due to the time difference) the phones are constantly ringing and we have to accurately take the bets as quickly as possible to keep the waiting times down.

It's hard work on the voicebox especially when I'm doing my best to speak with as little accent as possible. Come full time for those not working on the beers are cracked open and that evening's watering hole is discussed.

The guys were great with me and it didn't take long for me to feel like one of the boys. I did find myself in the flat waiting on an invite a few times until I gradually started getting my head around the Darwin lifestyle. There are no invites or plans, you simply rock up.

I had been assured that more much needed shifts would be coming my way but it was taking some time to materialise and the longer I was only doing one or two shifts a week the more of a beating the emergency credit card was taking.

Paul "Jimmy" Corridon returned from a holiday in Ireland and doubled the amount of times I'd heard "To be sure, to be sure" & "top o' the morning" in my first night of meeting him. He also picked up on "Aye" and enjoyed dragging it out into an "AAAAAAAAAAAAYEEEEEEEEE" which he would continue do for the next 6 months. He even had me doing it, it was that damn catchy.

Anyway, Jimmy was the main roster man as well as racing manager or supervisor. I gradually began getting 3 shifts a week and then 4-5. By doing 3-4 shifts a week I was earning around the same as I was back home for PwC, it was mad.

I was becoming Mr. Nightshift which was fine with me. Shifts started at 4:30pm and would usually run on through to 12:30am. I think it was 2 nights a week we'd have a cook come in and make us dinner or a BBQ, if not pizza or pasta would be ordered in. With around 2 hours of the shift remaining the beers would be passed around and throughout the night pictures of an indecent nature would be shared with those working. All of this while watching the many tv's showing all kinds of sport as well as things like Who Wants to be a Millionaire, Family Guy & The Simpsons. Excellent. Oh yeah, and we took some phone calls too. Most of the clients were relaxed and you could have a bit of fun with them. It could be slightly irratating when they got a little too relaxed and off their face drunk. There were some classics though such as an older client insisting that should the next horse win he'd be waking up the wife for a bit of action or the chap that informed me "if this comes in I'm getting a hooker".

In many ways this was my perfect job, and I was doing well at it. I was averaging around 350 calls a Saturday and with very few errors while at the same time helping out others at our "Pickles" corner. So called because we are given more of the punters that bet small amounts although many 4 or 5 figure punters would still get through at times. In some ways however the job was the worst one I could possibly take. Darwin was meant to be my short break to recharge my body and bank account. The Darwin and Sportingbet lifestyle didn't allow for this though as the drinking and gambling was rife, it was the done thing but this atmosphere was crippling for a heavy social drinker and compulsive gambler.

We were allowed to bet at work and the tips would fly about. Many of the tips would come in but I seem unable to wait for the next one and would instead fritter the money away. This happened all too often and prevented me saving the fortune I could have walked away with. When clouded by the gambling bug I find it increasingly difficult to properly value my money, this becomes an even tougher task when constantly taking bets for ludicrous amounts of money as if it were petty change. There's something numb about taking bets of over $20,000 on a greyhound and it having little effect on you.

It definitely wasn't the best of places for me to work in but it's always going to be a job I look back on with extreme pleasure, it was perhaps my favourite job I've had which is saying something after the amount of fun I had at PwC & The Rose Street Brewery. I loved everything about Sportingbet and I met some great people & friends. Drew, Whitters, Jimmy, Brad, Mike, Lee, Bluey, Cougar, Bootsie, Huppy, Cracker,Terry, Ross, Patrick, Rod, Warren, Gemma, Kelly, Laura, Haylie, Jan, Amy & everyone else. It was braw!

It's now eight months later but Fannie Bay gives me a chuckle.

We decided to appeal our fine and so headed down to the council where each of us wrote a letter saying we had no choice but to sleep in our vehicles. We weren't confident in being heard but we strongly believed in our case. Well, if they couldn't smell the booze on our breaths.

Once we left the council of doom we hunted for a caravan park to call home and plumped for Freespirit around 10km from the city. Freespirit boosted not one but TWO swimming pools, a bouncing pillow (!!!), a table for us to get addicted at cards, a kitchen and erm it was next door to a BP! None of these, admittedly brilliant bonuses could help our new residence look any less than a 8mx8m square of dirt. The set up was simple. Will parked his Jackaroo to the left and kipped in there, Millan was on the right for Maria and I to sleep in and there was a tent in the middle for Daniel & Mark. We attached a canopy between the 2 cars and this was home.

In the morning, after our hearty breakfast of cornflakes topped with yoghurt and a slice of toast we'd use the showers provided and rotate our proffesional job seeking clothes. We'd then pack into the jackaroo and head to the city library with every intention of job hunting but ultimately find facebook and hibs.net far too distracting.

Every Thursday we'd buy the wonderful NT News for it's job section. Between us we must have applied for over 100 jobs from there but it all appeared worth it when Mark received the call for a job interview. He'd be making sandwiches, he had no way of getting to the location, which was of our map, but it was exciting none the less. We all piled into the Jackaroo to try and find the sandwich shop which allowed us the great pleasure of passing Moo Street. Unfortunately for Mark he wasn't successful, in fact he was so unsuccessful that he interviewed again for the same job a few weeks later and still couldn't get it.

Daniel on the other hand was in high spirits after a phone call about a sales job went brilliantly and he was very confident of getting it. He did indeed get the job as did both Mark & Maria! All three would be placed in shopping centres in and around Darwin trying to hard sell Austar (cable tv) to happy shoppers.

They all had to get up at 6am to be at a 7am group meeting and wouldn't get back until around 7pm. If they didn't make a sale, they didn't earn any money. Fortunately they all made sales on their first day and the rest of the week went quite well.

I had secured an interview with a out of the way pub which went pretty well and resulted in a follow up interview which also went well and I was told I'd be given a call back. I wasn't given a call back. Grr.

Things were going well after an interview about a Saturday job with Sportingbet in an intersteing suburb called Fannie Bay. There was a possibility of more shifts and the money was good in what appeared a fun, laid back office.

We had had enough of the campsite, the heat whilst sleeping was beginning to get unbearable especially as it attracted the extremely annoying mozzies which would attack any bit of skin left uncovered, which due to the heat was rather little. I quickly learned the cruel lesson of covering up when I awoke one sunny morning having been bitten on my big vainy triumphant bastard*.

We moved into the cheapest backpackers in town, Frogshollow. It was fairly central, had a kitchen, pool and everything you'd want really. It was cheap beacuse it was 16 bed dorms, it was extra cheap because my mattress reeked of pish.

Maria & Daniel managed to score a double room after a mix up with reception so I sandwhiched my arse between them and slept through the nightmares of the musty stench I was avoiding downstairs.

All dreams are cut short when your pals are off to work at 7am though and sending them off with good will while I go back to sleep had become routine for a few days until the day we couldn't find Mark.

The guys had gone out the night before and lost Mark at somepoint through the evening. He wasn't in his bed, he wasn't in answering his phone & he wasn't standing in our room with his Austar shirt on. The guys had to go to work and I promised to find out what happened to him.

4 hours later Mark woke me up by banging on the door. He looked rough, and for good reason. He'd completed the road trip. He'd spent the night in the cells after an altercation with Darwin's finest (who carry guns btw).

I was given the job with Sportingbet and was loving it there despite the immediate lack of shifts. Having now worn in the emergency credit card it became easier to put emergency steak sandwiches and beers on to it. I was having one of those very steak sandwiches and beers with Will as we prepared to head to Fannie Bay for an evening's race meeting when I received a call from The Deck Bar asking if I'd be available to work that night as a glassy. I couldn't turn it down and said I'd be there, Will understood and we celebrated my 2nd job with another beer or two.

In the end I was half an hour late for my shift and half cut. It was probably a good thing though as glassing in a pub that accommodates 400 people is not easy. I only did 5 hours but it was one of those jobs where you're rushed off your feet but time still drags, a nightmare. The guys came and met me at the end when could knock off and I was given free drinks for the rest of the night, not too shabby.

Despite the jobs we were still skint and struggling to afford Frogs Hollow. While I was at work with Sportingbet the guys found us new accommodation. We were now sharing a double and single bed at Air Raid Motel where we pretended there were only 3 of us. The place was depressing and forced us all very much on top of each other. We'd now spent around a month straight in close proximity of each other and we were all tired. The guys were getting annoyed at their lack of sales with Austar when they were putting in the gruelling hours. I was getting annoyed with the lack of shifts on offer from Sportingbet despite the promise of work. I'd decided not to follow up the glassing at The Deck so Sportingbet shifts were essential.

Air Raid Motel got around 4 nights out of us until we had to given in and return to a hostel. Maria, Will & I stayed at Elkies backpackers on Mitchell Street over the road from Mark & Daniel who moved into Banyon View Lodge.

Daniel found himself another job with a removals company and he along with Mark & Maria parted company with Austar. The removals gig was okay but a better opportunity came along and Mark was able to take advantage too. The guys landed a job out in Arnhem land labouring. Arnhem land is aboriginal owned land where signs tell you that "Alcohol & Pornography is strictly prohibited". Not much fun then really! There's also no phone signal or internet. There are plenty of plusses however in that it's free accommodation & meals along with a bumper pay with nothing to spend it on whilst regaining much lost fitness.

I think it was around mid October that the guys set off and we wouldn't see or hear from them for a good few weeks.

I had another tricky decision to make, I'd found a job working at a bar in Mataranka, where we visited the thermal pool and stevie's hole. The lady sounded keen on me but I was enjoying myself at Sportingbet and still hoped to receive more shifts. I decided to pass on the Mataranka job but I definetly wonder how my year would have transpired had I taken it, certainly very differently that's for sure.

Maria had become very friendly with a guy from my work who was now putting her up and the two had arranged to go on a long road trip taking in about half of Australia. Maria's leaving night was the day Hibs drew 1-1 with Rangers at Ibrox and Stokes scored that goal. I don't recall very much of that evening and rose the next day thinking Rangers had won 2-0.

While in Elkies I had begun getting more shifts and decided to look for a flat. The day after putting my ad on global gossip I received a call from a David asking if I wanted to have a look at his spare room that was right behind Elkies. The flat was great with a huge balcony with mini pool and my room was frickin massive. I bit his hand off and moved in a couple of days later. Over the next 3 weeks I received no less than 11 calls and texts offering me rooms. Mad.

After not much more than a week in Arnhem Land, Mark returned having decided to go home. He was struggling with the work and the heat while his mate back home had offered him a painting job. We had drinks at mine with Will and the next day Mark was gone. We were down to 2 in Darwin.

Daniel made a couple of weekend returns from Arnhem Land flashing the impressive cash around, buying drinks, being merry and having a great time. It was always good to see him and catch up when he returned. He was working his arse off out there but it was clearly some experience as he became friendly with the indigenous locals and fished in croc infested waters.

His final return came early December but it was short lived as the next day both Daniel & Maria would be flying to the East Coast at 5am. We still managed to make the most of it and get rather merry. Daniel and his Arnhem buddy Will crashed at mine which gave me the task of waking Dan up after around an hours sleep. Maria was downstairs getting frustrated as Daniel snoozed on my spare bed. There was only one option. A glass of water over the pus later and Daniel gradually came round.

And then he was gone, with Maria.

Will had been waiting a good while for his Jackaroo to be fixed and was planning a road trip down the centre to Mildura for some farming work. I still wasn't sure what I was going to do, it was tempting to head with Will but work was busy and I was raking it in. In the end I passed and Will set of south on his own leaving me as the Road Trip's last man standing in Darwin.

• Well done Rory.

I think it was our 3rd day after leaving Mount Isa that Will's Jackaroo began to feel the ill effects of housing Millan's battery. A push start was required every time we stopped for over ten minutes. This was no easy feat, wearing flop flips while running on gravel and pushing a 4x4 isn't fun. When you're having fun though it's hard not to have a laugh about such things.

Litchfield became our temporary home as darkness was setting in and we were relieved to find a good, cheap campsite with power after a fair bit of searching. Our first night was an interesting one as we chatted away with other campers, played some pool and enjoyed a spot of skinny dipping (sorry, no pictures!)

The next day we set off to see what Litchfield had to offer.

Buley Rockhole is stream with plenty of spots to have a swim and relax in. I could have spent all day there I think, loved the place.

We visited Florence Falls which has two thunderous waterfalls. We managed to climb up on to one of them which was good for a breather. Mark found his rock and was happy there in his safe place where we didn't have to keep an eye on him! The other waterfall was a great challenge to try and swim under and unfortunately I was unable to conquer the beast. In the shallow end of the falls you risk being irritatingly bitten by nippy little fish that seemed to love sinking their teeth into mosquito bites. Funny at first, quickly annoying! The Falls were far more popular with tourists than the previous NP's we'd been to. A rather extrovert couple had also come down and decided to take some glamour pics in the background!

Millan, Claudia, Daniel & Maria also had the chance to see the magnetic termite mounds. Unfortunately because I forgot my camera charger at the camp site Mark & Will had to turn back around and grab it. thanks guys!

It felt strange approaching Darwin but it was inevitable the road trip had to come to an end. We even passed a sign at a T-Juncation when leaving Litchfield that indicated if we took a right we'd be heading towards Darwin and if we took a left we'd be going nowhere. It was blank!

As we came in the council had thrown on a special parade for us consisting of classic cars driven by motor enthusiasts, how nice!

For lunch we headed to East Point where we'd been informed, after much hunting and disappointment, there were BBQ's. After a scrummy lunch we dived into the rather murky Alexander lake for some obligatory YMCA poses.

We visited the information centre and found a couple of possible campsites for the night but when we went to visit them they were either closed or full. It was Marshall's (Friend from school and Sydney) last night in Darwin having been fruit picking so I was keen to catch up with him while he was still there. Claudia had her flight that evening too so we were both a bit impatient. In the end we found a quiet little spot not too far from the lake we'd had lunch and parked up. It was time to say our goodbyes to Claudia, which was a fair bit depressing, we were a sextet not a quintet!

Then it was off to Discovery to meet Marshall at T.O.T. otherwise known as Tits Out Tuesdays. Crikey! Things get a little hazy after that, I can remember about just as much as I could the following morning.

Mark was acting as Sober Bob, allowing him free cola. It wasn't stopping him with the ladies though and he was doing well necking away with what was roundly agreed a solid 7/10 good effort. Marshall and his French friend were boarding a plane to Cairns at 2am yet the big man was doing a grand job tucking away the coopers & tequilla shots with me. And finally we all very much discovered that T.O.T. is like Ronseal quick drying wood stain - exactly what it says on the tin.

"Chris get up, GET UP MAN"

Daniel was kicking me. I was naked in a soaking wet sleeping bag, outdoors complete with unwelcome hangover.

"Get dressed, we're being fined"

I didn't understand what was happening. I got dressed while Daniel blocked me from two officers in uniform. They turned out to be friendly enough but they weren't impressed with our "Camping in a public area" and issued us with a $130 fine. Each.

okay, just one. It's up to you if you click to enlarge!

It didn’t take long until Mount Isa was out of sight through the rear view mirror and our new road of the Berkely Highway put our previous roads to shame for it’s endless straights.

Will was driving, Claudia and I were in the back with a resurgent Mark in the passenger seat. It was good to have the big fella back on board, he keeps you smiling even when you’re running on empty. However the dull constant scenery that at first excited us with it’s outback feel was beginning to take it’s toll and even my rocking playlist was struggling to keep our eyes open.

Fortunately we were all slightly more alert than Will when he let his eyes shut and began turning the 4x4 off the road in during another expansive straight. We all screamed and Mark took control of the wheel to steady the ship.

My heart was beating but along with the other guys I tried to remain calm as Claudia was freaking out. Mark and Will swapped places and despite Claudia’s concern about Mark’s health and medication we ploughed on.

I like Will but he is difficult to talk to at times, especially over the loud music. With Mark in the cockpit it seemed far less work to stay awake and we were able to enjoy the road trip and keep Claudia chilled as we drew in on the border between Queensland and the Northern Territory.

It lasted around an hour before Claudia was shaken up again and shouting swear words and expletives in German that Frau Anderson didn’t teach in 4th year languages. She had a point though. Daniel had slowed Millan down to a stop in front of us but Mark hadn’t noticed until it was too late to break and instead he had to swerve round him on the outside. Claudia jumped out and ran of in a complete wreck. Mark and Will tried to play it down but my heart was still racing and I couldn’t help but think what if. About the only moving thing coming the other way were the monstrous road trains and that is not something you’re going to walk away from if you meander in front of it.

“Welcome to the Northern Territory - Nature Territory” the friendly sign greeted us. We stood there admiring it, how the feck did we manage to get here. Mark was first to march over the dividing line and celebrated this by being first to christen it with a manpiss. He’s a charmer I tell ya.

We followed the ways of many a backpacker before us by signing the sign & taking many a joyful photo to mark the occasion. Even Claudia had lifted her spirits but that could have been to our new arrangements. Claudia would now ride with Daniel and Maria despite not having any seatbelts or even seats for that matter she felt safer in the comfort of Millan and I can understand why.

That said, the tension had also been lifted in Will’s jackaroo and it seemed the best move for all, as both vehicles were able to enjoy even the long straights, the longest of which was came up to 40km of the unchanging scenery and not the slightest of curves in the road.

Once sunset began creeping in we agreed to pull into the next rest stop to set up camp for the night. This was to be the home of my first and thus far only temper tantrum of the trip.

The flies were relentless and I couldn’t handle it. You’d bat two of your face at the same time and before you’re arm was down another swarm had arrived, it was incredibly frustrating.

I stormed off to seek out the next signpost to see how far we were until the next rest stop. Unfortunately it was still another 40km and anyhow the chances of their being any less flies there were slim.

As I write this there are about seven flies flying all around the laptop and landing all over me, think I’ve come to accept them here in the red center. Still despise them mind.

Once the sun had set the flies were a thing of the past and we were all able to open our mouths and cook dinner. I had a smile on my face again and was feeling slightly daft for my cream puff.

We ate, sang, threw around the ball and caught some sleep. It was to be a fast exit in the morning as Maria, Mark and I had slept with the back of Millan open to prevent us from cooking. However with the beautiful sunrise came the dreaded flies who wasted no time in arriving to their daily grind of annoying the hell out of everything.

Our next stop was a happy one as we pulled into three ways roadhouse marking the end of the Berkley Highway and our joining of the Stuart Highway. The Stuart Highway is named after a Scottish explore, John Stuart McDouall, who was the first man to find away from the sout of Australia at Adelaide up to the north shore at Port Darwin. It took the big man three attempts and very near cost his life as he refused the vitamins on offer from some of the bush food and developed scurvy on each occasion. It’s also legend that on his return to Adelaide from their successful trip jaikie Stuart smashed open his compass to drink it’s 100% alcoholic contents.

Their had been a $5000 award put up for the first man to find this path however the South Australian government didn’t believe Stuart was a suitable hero and he returned sulking to bonnie Scotland. Apparently Scotland got in touch with Australia and the boys in blue finally managed to get Stuart some payment for his historical feat.

I’ve been on the Stuart Highway for 7 months now so apologies for the history lesson :p

We were getting close to the National Parks but had one more night to spend at a rest stop before we got there. Daniel had been having more trouble with Millan as it'd become obvious that the mechanics had done next to bugger all and only made a temporary fix. We met another legend who was camping beside who got his hands dirty and discovered that it was Millan's fan belt that was the problem and needing replaced.

While he was doing all the hard graft we made some extremely important pyramids and ordered his wife to snap away. This stop off was another great opportunity to get merry and wash our feet.

The next few days were quite something. We’d continue to move north towards our target of Darwin but we had the time to visit the impressive list of national parks on our way while stopping off at the interesting road houses on the way to refuel ourselves and the vehicles.

Our first highlight was Elsey national park at Mataranka Homestead where we were welcomed with a natural thermal pool next door to our campsite. Not too shabby.

We spent a rather long time in that pool. We’d work on our synchronised swimming, say hello to the feral pigs & watch the bats all fly and shriek as the sprinklers came on.

On our 2nd day in Mataranka, after a quick dip in the pool, Maria, Claudia, Daniel and I went for a canoe ride in the river. We’d been warned that it was the home to freshwater crocodiles but that they shouldn’t bother us if we leave them alone. Sure enough as we approached the river the guys in front saw a freshie baking in the sun but dive into the ocean when confronted by our presence.

Stevie's hole is another attraction at Mataranka and one that I personally thought could simply not be missed. It certainly took a little more hard work to get there and involved plunging into depths unknown yet I managed to comfortably ease myself into the dangerous waters. We didn't spend long at Stevie's hole but it was still an adventure worth having and as the sign says "Stevie's hole - a place to enjoy"

We spent two nights in Mataranka and really didn’t want to leave but the North was awaiting and so we drove up to our next destination at Nitmiluk national park, home of the impressive Katherine Gorge and more.

We didn’t arrive in Nitmiluk until dark and so when we found an unmarked free rest stop we had to take it. We were a little freaked out by this spot as there was evidence that wild pigs had been in the area and we were a little unnerved by the pile of bones lying near a campfire spot.

Still we made the most of it after carefully finding firewood. We had baked potatos, sang, drank and had a good night. Mark had decided to sleep outside in his sleeping bag in this potential death spot and so we had surrounded him by bottles as a warning shot of any intruders as he lay by Millan’s R.I.P. sign.

Having survived the night we headed to the attractions that Nitmiluk National Park proudly possesses. The advantages of visiting these NP’s over the bigger names of Litchfield and Kakadu are that you practically have them to yourself. We found a large freshwater lake that we were sharing with only around 5 other people. All but Will decided to swim to the other end but by the time we reached the other side Mark was really struggling and was highly concerned about swimming back. In the end Daniel & Claudia swam alongside and helped him along! Poor laddie.

Claudia, Daniel and I then took on the task of heading up to the higher level fresh water hole that was meant to have an impressive waterfall. It took a while and was very tiring in the heat but definitely worth it. After we'd enjoyed ourselves there we headed on the scenic walk back around which took in a great view of Katherine Gorge. I have to admit though I'm not sure if any of us realised that it was Katherine Gorge we were looking at. We were all pretty knackered and the highlight of this park while jaw dropping in appearance was still just another bonnie waterfall of many we would take in over the week.

The walk back was killer and taught me that water is a necessity for all these type of hikes as you never know how far you have until your next stop that you can grab water.

We set off after Litchfield National Park, a backpackers haven. The Jackaroo had reached big Stu's highway but Millan was nowhere to be seen, we turned back and Danny boy had got himself a beast of a blown tyre. Another hiccup on this almighty journey. The trauma wasn't over for poor Dan though as he was eaten alive by fire ants as he changed the thing!

Everything started off brilliantly for Team Road Trip as we arrived in Mount Isa. Actually it all started going well shortly before we arrived as one by one the signal bars started appearing on our mobile phones for the first time since leaving Cairns. Spirits were high as we sought about looking for the cities hospital while getting excited with every *beep* meaning a new text from family & friends. Will and I were both chuffed to spot a McDonald's, not (only) for the launch of the new Angus burgers, but because it was WI-FI enabled allowing us onto the net for free. I had taken noticed of a couple of bars on the way in that would potentially have Setanta allowing me to watch that nights Hibs v Celtic match.

Mark was lying in his bed looking rather forlorn when we arrived but his face lit up once he spotted us and seemed far more like himself than the ghostly character from Normanton. He was happy to exchange banter and tell us of his air adventure and hopeful nurse romances. In fact he was feeling so much better that he climbed out of bed to take us outside for a smoke!

It was looking like Mark would be out in a couple of days which would give Daniel time to see a mechanic about Milan's health and everything would work out very nicely indeed. We found a well priced camping ground that provided electricity with ease and I was phoning the Irish bar to see if they had Setanta. They weren't sure what on earth I was going on about but they said they'd send a bus to pick us up and take us to the pub, I agreed because I think this may have been the nicest thing any pub (I've not worked in ) has done for me!

I coaxed Will & Maria into joining me and the three of us jumped into a mini van with a couple of other folk and set off on the, far longer than expected, journey to the Irish bar.

This is no ordinary Irish bar. "The Irish Club" is more like an Irish bloody holiday resort. There is a restaurant, a function room with cabaret, a huge bar, an amusement room, an under 18's amusement room (strictly children only!) a large reception area and most bizarrely cafe that is inside a tram! Oh but guess what they didn't have...Setanta!

While I sent the young laddie from the pub to see if there was anyway of watching Scottish fitbaw in DisneyIreland I destroyed Will at pool. Revenge was to be had however as the farmer got his gun and outshot me at "Big Game Hunter 2". The guy came back and apologetically informed me that it appeared the city's only Irish bar didn't have the Irish sports channel. Roughly ten minutes later we were on the mini van once again and heading back to base. Will and I nipped into the bar across the road which was showing English football and had some pool tables. I called home allowing Ali to take great pleasure in notifying me of the 2-0 Celtic scoreline.

Our set up was fairly simple. Will's 4x4 sat in front of our spot of land, the tent was at the back & Milan to the side. We'd gather in our spot at night to knock back our goon (with fruit juice), while either pumping out music from my laptop or strumming away on the guitars. For meals we'd gather our cheap ingredients in the outdoor kitchen and serve up a potful while playing cards and planning our adventure.

Our second day in Mount Isa didn't begin quite as we'd hoped when we visited Mark in hospital. The poor fella had taken a turn for the worse and it seemed likely that he'd have to have his tonsils removed and they make send him to Townsville on the East Coast to do this. Crumbs!

This was proper horrible news as Mark's such a fun guy to have around and I for one was missing having him in the group and I'm sure everybody else was feeling the same way. We tried to cheer ourselves up by going on a mini Mount Isa adventure. We visited the tourist information building and found out a few things about our temporary home. It turns out the city of Mount Isa is also home to another 23,000 happy campers and is filled with mining history including one of the most productive single mines in the world, good stuff huh!

It was a shame though that there didn't seem to be a great deal for us to do. The rodeo was out of town and the McDonald's playpen was for children only. And then we discovered Lake Moondarra. An artifical (I just found this out when looking up how to spell it!) lake that seemed pretty picturesque and was the place for cats like us to visit.

Daniel's beloved Milan was being poked and prodded by mechanics so we all climbed into Will's wheels and set of towards our lake. I'm not going to overhype the place because if I were to say it was beautiful and OMGWOWZER then I'd be doing myself a disservice as a serious travel blogger and I'd be upsetting Michael Palin and other peers. It's a strange place, there are spots of beauty but you couldn't seem to take a picture without having something in the shot that looked..well.. a bit crappy. There was one other group around who were jetsking across the lake which we were a little surprised to see as we'd been informed that there's thought to be freshwater crocs in the lake and salties have been known to get in too. Eek!

The heat was quite something though and Daniel was first to kit off and make a splish splash in the water. Afterwards the girls and I jumped in and felt the cold, we weren't hanging around for too long though and once the pics were taken we were back on our beach towels working on our tan. Daniel took great pleasure on showing off his already well tanned body against my, still, mighty white skin.

After our mini adventure Daniel nipped back around to the mechanics while the rest of us went around to McDonald's for some internet fun and then on to Coles for that nights dinner and supplies. We were sitting at a junction in the road heading back to our campsite when Will pulled out in front of an oncoming Jeep and somehow managed to slow down time.

It was as if I was watching in slow motion from my passenger window as I helplessly shouted along with Maria & Claudia. Will got the picture but there was nothing he could do now. My mind was racing through pictures of us flipping over and joining Mark in hospital yet to everyone's relief it was all rather anti climatic.

The jeep hit the brakes but he was never going to be able to avoid crashing into our car. More good fortune as they connected with our front left bumper instead of into my passenger door. We were given a jerk not dissimilar to the kind you would receive at the dodgems.

The girls, particularly Claudia, were hysterical. They had both recently been involved in their own car crashes and were feeling freaked out. This was my first car to car crash and while the dunt left a fair bit of damage on the jeep and gave Will’s bumper a beating it wasn’t what I was expecting. If we’d been going that little bit faster it would have gone straight into my door at the front passenger seat, fortunately it didn’t and we were all left unscathed. Well, all but Will’s wallet.

That night there was a lot up in the air, we needed to move on as we were all pretty broke yet Milan was still in the garage, Will was trying to make his car driveable but was considering staying behind to get it fixed and it was still unknown how long Mark would be in hospital. With no Milan, Maria and I had to spend the night sleeping on the inflatable mattress outdoors. This was not comfortable in the slightest, first of all because it was a single mattress so there wasn't much room but what really kept me awake was the rustling in the bushes, random animal noises and what our fellow campers had been telling us about a group of theifs coming in the previous night!

The next day Will set to work trying to repair his car and did a pretty good job of it to make it road safe once more. He was still very apologetic about the night before and had taken full responsibility but he did seem to have become even more detached as we were all thinking about what to do.

There was good news when we visited Mark. He'd seen a new doctor who wanted to try and stick a needle down Marks throat and pretty much pop the massive lump. Something like that anyway, it sounded disgusting. Mark seemed fairly upbeat and it was simply a case of wait and see if he was going to be able to join us for the rest of the trip. We knew we had to leave the next day as Claudia had a flight to catch in Darwin and none of us had the money to hang around in Darwin. Maria, who was funding Daniel, now had to shell out over $200 to have Milan fixed up and that wasn't even including the cracked windscreen which was now raced half way along the glass. So we it was up in the air whether or not it would be the original 6 carrying on or if Mark (who had developed a back up plan of staying and working in the mines!) and even Will might be staying behind.

Later that day we received good news that Mark's mini operation had gone well and that if he was feeling okay the next morning he could be released. Fingers were crossed as we had a quiet night of goon and cards.

It was the morning of September 2nd and we had been reunited with two of our two most prized possessions beginning with "M". Milan seemed to be ready to rock & Mark had been standing at the hospital door awaiting our pick up.

Team Road Trip were back together and it was about time we took the Northern Territory by storm.